iiii

After a long break I'm finally back to writing. There weren't many changes in my life but there were some. This year I'm making my Bachelor's Degree so I suppose there will be some stress involved but somehow I'll survive. I'm also doing teaching practice at the primary school and right now it goes quite alright, I can't complain. It's a pity Christmas break is in three months, can't wait for it. Since this school year began I'm counting when the next free days are. :) I suppose all students look forward to them.

Lately, I have so much to translate for school that I think my brain stopped working in normal way. If I hear something, I start thinking how you can say it in English or German. It's not so bad, but it's worse when I can't remember how I can say something in my native tongue and at the same time I can give you examples of this words in English. I can live with it, if I'm talking with someone who knows English. :)

Tomorrow, I'll have Latin. Can't wait for this, because our teacher has always got some amusing examples to teach us grammar and translations. Once I even cried with laughter. It's quite funny when you have to conjugate the verb 'to shit'. Or when you have to inflect the adjective 'curva' (it means curved in English) but Polish equivalent sounds like the word 'kurwa,' which means 'whore.' I really like this lesson. :)

Divorce, ok … so I’m a child of divorced parents and eventhough they separated when I was in my late teens their earlier behavior, arguments and accusations influenced me rather deeply. I had and still have problems with trust, with showing people how I feel, and just don’t seem to have much sense of security in my life. I often think if I may be damaged. I’m not able to trust and my relationships with others tend to be quite shallow. After a while, life like that becomes lonely but it’s difficult to lower your defenses, when you spend a long time to built them to not get hurt at home. I try to be more open but it’s not always easy and often I prefer not to show myself and stay secure in my ‘shell’.

It’s good that I have my best friends who do their best to cheer me up when I start this pesimistic and gloomy speeches. :)

Generally I like my life and I’m rather content, sometimes even happy, but there is always this feeling of loss.

Well… it was depressing, so I’ll stop now. But there are days when I’m feeling dawn and I have this need to complain and be a little sorry for myself. Fortunately it passes quickly. J

I came across this great Japanese name generator, and my Japanese name is not so bad, I especially like my first name. :)


My Japanese name is Arisa  Takemura.

Take The Original Japanese Name Generator by Shu today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

I'm sooooo sleepy but I can't go to bed for a while yet because I have to read some materials about islamic and christian women. Then I have to think how to write an essey about it. I'm tired ... and tomorrow I'll be at school from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. When I'm thinking about it I'm getting more tired. :) Shit... i want weekend and new episode of 'Torchwood,' I need some time for myself to relax and recharge my batteries.

Yeah ... I've just watched newest episode of 'Dexter'. As always it was great. I especially liked these interactions between Dex and Rudy. Rudy is so devious... poor Dex, he has no idea who his sister is dating. Can't wait for the moment he'll discover Rudy's second identity. It'll be fun for sure. :)
I'm writing about 'Dexter' because it's one of my favourite tv shows at the moment. I love the way Michael plays the role of this lost serial killer who tries to blend, tries to be normal. He really can show Dex's struggles with his life, especially with showing and feeling emotions. Dex doesn't understand them and often tries to pretend that he feels something, but frequently he doesn't succeed. It's just one of the best shows which have been made recently. I want to see the next episode right now but unfortunately I'll have to wait for a week. Well, what else can I do? ;)

Finally home! Somehow I've survived Literature. I don't know why I'm so afraid of this subject, or rather I'm not afraid of the subject but of the teacher. It's strange because she isn't so bad, I just don't understand what she's saying. I understand words but when it comes to understanding her questions ... I just ... my brain comes off-line. I can't comprehend what she means and what she wants us to tell her. Then I just look into my notebook, pretend that I'm thinking very intensively and pray that someone else understood her and will say something. It usually works. :)

Wow... I didn't log in on this blog for a long time but I think it's time to start writing again. So... Where to start... My studies are going quite well, I'm not the best but also I'm not the worst. There is just one subject I can't stand right now and it's Descriptive Grammar: Syntax. The subject is not so bad, but the teacher... well... She just doesn't take into account that we also have other subjects to learn. In few words, all my weekend, instead of having fun getting drunk and dancing, I spend learning. Yeah... It was awful. :( But to be on a more positive side, it's only a month till Christmas. Can't wait. :)

Everyone had times when it felt really uncomfortable sitting in silence with group of people because no one knew what to say or how to start a new topic of conversation. It happens when you just have met new people and you didn't click together. After a day full of these uncomfortable silences I've begun thinking about easy ways of making everyone feel welcome. Well... I came with nothing for now, ;) but I'm still thinking. It wasn't very intense thinking. Why?

In about 15 minutes I'll have to go and help my mother getting moved. Finally her flat is renovated and ready to move in. I'm a little worried about weight of the things I will have to pack and carry. I hope I don't strain anything important.